Or should I say “strained mother-daughter relationship”?
The Daughter of the Mother-Daughter Relationship
Your mom is one of the most important people in your life. Or rather, she was? It’s hard to know anymore. You used to have a good mother-daughter relationship. She used to be your person. The one you’d turn to when the rest of the world went topsy turvy. She’s kiss your booboos, and pull you in for a big squishy hug. She was a great mom while you were growing up – wasn’t she? But now as you get older there are bits and pieces of your memories that come back and just don’t quite sit right. Times when she let you down, or when she made comments that pierced and singed. And you know she didn’t mean any of it negatively. You know, logically, that she loves you. And yet, sometimes it feels like she only cares if you’re playing the part like she expects and hopes. You’re not going to wear that, are you? Oh, you really shouldn’t eat that. But did you really try your best? When are you going to settle down? And on and on it goes. The gentle background hum of judgement and criticism. You want to be closer to your mom, but every time you try, you’re reminded why you put some of your walls up in the first place.
The Mother in the Mother-Daughter Relationship
When you found out you were going to have a girl, you were so excited. You were bringing someone into this world that you could relate to and share your motherly wisdom with. Of course you know the teenage years might be a bit tough, but you went through it too, and who better than to help guide your own child through the whole bumpy process. Except it didn’t quite go like you imagined. There she was one day, your sparky, unicorn-loving princess, but then one day you took your eyes off her and in the split second, she seemed to transform into a moody, distant stranger. Where’d your daughter go?? You walk the line of grieving the loss of this beautiful relationship you used to have with the reality of this estranged person you hardly know any more. You’re desperate to return to the closeness you used to have, but your every attempt is met with block after block. It seems you can’t say anything that isn’t construed as offensive or out of line. What are you doing wrong?? How can you get your daughter back?
Healing the Relationship
Therapy for a mother-daughter relationship, similar to couple’s therapy, does best when both parties are involved. But sometimes that’s just not feasible. Maybe your mom/daughter wants nothing to do with you right now. Maybe they’re living somewhere else and logistically it would get way complicated. That’s okay. What’s essential to start addressing the strain with your mom/daughter is just your willingness to begin investigating what’s not working.
If you think you might be ready, or are at least curious to learn more, book a consultation now – it’s free!